If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
