I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
