he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize