that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
