I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
