Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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