I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
