is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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