Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
