Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
