the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
