Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
