hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
