If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
