Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
