That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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