Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
