Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
