You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Congratulations! We have a period
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
