i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
