never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
