If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
