I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
