Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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