dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
bring money and cleavage
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
