It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
