and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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