reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
