There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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