So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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