.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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