you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
