If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
