I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
