and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
