I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
