So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
