need another drink. this is the easiest way
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
