I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
