i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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