There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
