im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
