She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize