Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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