I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need moral support for this bender
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
