Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
