Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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