everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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