Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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