I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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