dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
