how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
