just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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