so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
