3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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