I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
