I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i came on her dog
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
