he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
