you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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