Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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