I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
