how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
