Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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