if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
