you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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