what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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