Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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