who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
