everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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