I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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