She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
