a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
