I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize