Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
