well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
