its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
