Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
