Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
