so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
