There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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