If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
