I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
