did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
