so that wasnt chicken after all
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
