i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
