maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
