Sry I called you an 8
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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