You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
