I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
