So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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