Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
