If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
