Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
