eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
